Lessons in Resilience from a Military Spouse

I’ve been a military spouse for over six years now, and in that short time, I’ve moved to a different province twice and moved homes five times. Some of this was self-inflicted, but moving every couple of years is just a fact of life for military families. Moving homes and jobs is one of the top stressors in life. So, how do all of these military families keep it together?

The truth is, we don’t always.

Coping with Frequent Moves as a Military Spouse

I’ll never forget the image a fellow military spouse shared with me: sitting on the floor in their new military housing unit, surrounded by boxes, crying, and throwing a shoe out of frustration. The new house was much smaller than their previous one, and choices had to be made about where to put everything.

The moving process is made easier by having the military pack and transport everything for you. Every time I recount this to family and friends, they tell me how lucky we are. And they’re right—we are lucky. But we’re also not.

Uprooting your family every few years means leaving behind routines, support systems, favorite gyms, and coffee shops. As I write this, memories of the wonderful people and places I’ve left behind bring tears to my eyes. Between the grief of what was lost and the overwhelm of setting everything up again, it’s easy for anxiety and depression to creep in. It’s easy to sink into sitting on the couch, scrolling mindlessly, and watching comfort shows on repeat.

But this isn’t just a story about challenges. It’s also a story about resilience for military families, and I’ve learned a few lessons along the way.

Lesson 1: Living in the Now as a Military Spouse

Growing up, I remember my parents saving their best dishes or putting off home improvements for “someday.” When they finally put their their house up for sale, they made it beautiful for the next owners—but I couldn’t help but wonder why they hadn’t done that sooner for themselves.

That memory has stuck with me, and as a military spouse, I refuse to live in a place that feels temporary, even though I know we’ll move again in 2-3 years. From the start, I’ve made it a mission to make every house feel like home. I plant flower gardens, put up photos, and add little touches that bring me joy.

This urgency to settle in quickly means that within a month of moving, curtains are up, artwork is hung, furniture is in place, and our organizational system is running. It’s a lot of work, and it occasionally drives my husband crazy (he fends off my purchase requests like a pro), but it’s worth it to feel at home right away.

Lesson 2: Building Social Connections for Military Families

Humans are wired for connection, even though introverts like me like to pretend otherwise. Eventually, we all need someone to vent to—no matter how wonderful our partners are. Research shows that couples who have strong friendships outside of their marriage tend to do better (George et al., 2021; Helms et al., 2003), and I’ve found this to be true.

Making friends as a military spouse can be tough. I’ve seen posts in military spouse groups where people talk about feeling lonely. One comment that stood out to me was from someone who avoided building relationships because they didn’t want others to feel the pain of their eventual departure. I’ve felt that same fear of losing people who I had just met.

But looking back, I wish I had embraced connection sooner. Having a few close friends to grab coffee with, take a yoga class, or share a laugh over a wine and paint night has made all the difference in my well-being. To all the friends who’ve been there for me, thank you—you’ve helped me stay grounded and sane.

Lesson 3: Gratitude and Mental Health

Gratitude is about intentionally focusing on the good, even when life feels overwhelming. For me, one way to practice gratitude is by taking photos. I love looking back at pictures of the homes I’ve decorated, the fun activities we’ve done, and the cool places we’ve visited.

I’m still working on taking more photos of the people I’ve met along the way, but I’m improving year by year. That’s growth, and I’m proud of it!

Finding Strength in the Chaos of Military Life

Military life isn’t easy, but it’s taught me resilience. By living in the now, prioritizing connection, and practicing gratitude, I’ve learned to find joy and meaning in the chaos. These strategies have helped me cope with frequent moves and maintain my mental health as a military spouse.

If you’re navigating similar challenges, remember that resilience doesn’t mean having it all together. It means finding the strength to keep going, one small step at a time.

Ready to Build Your Resilience?

At Serebro Health, we understand the unique challenges of military life and transitions. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, know that you don’t have to navigate it alone.

Contact us today to explore how therapy can help military families build resilience and find balance. You’ve got this—and we’re here to help.

Schedule an appointment, email us here, or give us a call at (705) 482-7763.

Your path to healing begins here.

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